31/1 … 15/2

Hey there,

My apologies for the recent sadder blogs. Recently in the past three weeks, there has been so much negativity and death that surrounds me and my neighbourhood. Not only has these two deaths effected my mood, but my depression has spiralled. I don’t wish for your empathy, but I just wish for you to read this and know that there are people out there to talk to if your struggling.

Living with on and off, on going depression for many years now, I know the daily struggles and constant battle. Whether you’re someone suffering from a mental illness such as, depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, eating disorder, etc etc. There is always, always someone out there who will be willing to listen to what you’ve got to say.

No matter if you hate the way you look, sound, act or hate your thoughts, you aren’t alone. No matter how isolating it all seems and feels, there is always someone who is willing to listen. {13 11 14, Suicide Help Line}

I understand that when you’re in such a low, bad headspace, it is extremely hard to find the courage to seek help, yet if you just tell one person, they will help you along the rest of the way. There is always going to be that one person, {or many more} who will support you through thick and thin. A parent, a trusted adult, a close friend, a professional psychologist, etc. You will always have someone there for you.

What brings people to feeling so hopeless and like there isn’t another way to go on, is the saddest part of life. Feeling sad isn’t inhumane, it’s only human. Sadness is and emotion that we all feel. Yes, it does suck, but by showing yourself you can get through it, you’re just becoming stronger by the second. Don’t ever think the suicide is the right answer. As much as you might be in pain and think it’s the only way out, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Two young boys, one nearly 18 and the other 18. They both took their own lives within a week of each other. They might have known each other, but they had no connections other then strangers. How can two kids, that are living in the same area, both decide that it’s their time heaven gets to gain another two, beautiful angels? How is that fair?

The pain. The suffering, the sadness they both felt breaks me into a million pieces. You begin to grieve. The five stages of death/grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.[ In no particular order they go in.] These five stages are what all humans go through when they deal with a death.

Yourself begins to feel guilty. Why couldn’t I help? Why wasn’t I there? All these unanswered questions. You begin to believe that all these thoughts are factual. Yet they aren’t. It isn’t your fault. You did everything you could have to help prevent this.

My condolences go out to the Carlaw and the RigBy families. Loss is the most unexplainable emotional feeling that can’t be compared to another feeling in life. The loss of your son, daughter, friend, mum, father, anyone, the loss of someone is so unbelievably unbearable. I believe that god has gained another two beautiful angels.

If you’re suffering from a mental illness, or have lost someone to mental illness, please don’t feel afraid to go and seek help. Go and talk to someone. Don’t bottle up how you feel because society has told you to. Society won’t and will not control you, nor me, nor anyone no more! Go and get the help you deserve. Talk about everything and anything, be  honest and don’t hold anything back.

I send my love to everyone, if you’re suffering loss, a mental health or  what not, I send my biggest hugs and kisses to you all. Keep shining and never ever doubt yourself in any circumstance.

-Maddi xox

13 11 14- one call could save a life ❤ 

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