Dear old self

Dear old me,

You’ll be reading this wondering why. Here’s the harsh truth. You’re going to struggle throughout your life. You’ll struggle with relationships, family, mental illness, financial difficulties and life in general. But one day, things will slowly start to better for you.

You’re going to have fights with your beautiful sister and wish you were the only child, but remember how boring it is without her. You’ll start off with a loving, beautiful unbreakable bond of trust, empathy and love. But one day things will break that. You’ll share amazing memories with her and cherish them forever in your heart. You won’t ever stop loving her unconditionally, even though at times you might hate her guts. She’ll be your number one  best friend and you’ll forever be grateful for that.

As time goes on you’ll begin to fall in and out of rough patches, but remember everyone has these, it’s just life. You’ll want to end your life multiple times, but it will get easier. You haven’t lived long enough to have experience the best things in life. You might lose your relationship with your family, but one day you’ll regain it.

Boys will come and go throughout your life. You’ll think you’re in love with them, and they’re in love with you, but unfortunately they aren’t. Don’t force yourself to do anything with them. Wait until you truly love someone to make love. Some boys will break your heart, and you’ll believe the world is over, but it ain’t. You’ll prove to any guy that you don’t need one in your life.

One day, slowly you’ll become depressed and very unhappy. You’re going to attempt to end your life multiple times, but something always saves you. Maybe it was your great grandmas looking over you, or maybe even god himself. You’ll wish that everything will go away so you can be alone forever, but you have to go out and see friends. You have to keep yourself busy. You’ll accept that society has told you you’re ugly and fat. But you’ll change and become beautiful. One day in the future you’ll realise that and be happy. You’ll think you can’t make it into your early adulthood, because you think you will end your life before then. You can’t and won’t. You’ll have support all the way and a very loving family behind you the whole way.

You’ll lose friends and gain friends. Some will go and please as they wish, while others are will stay. You’ll come across very mean people in life, but you’ll tell them where to go.

School is going to start out okay for you, but soon, in the early years you’re going to hate it. You’re going to want to drop out and become an uneducated, alcoholic, druggo, but your parents will stop you from throwing your life away. But instead of a mainstream school, you’ll re-engage in a program like school, while getting your later high schooling years done.

You’ll go to parties and meet guys and want to have sex with them, while under the influence of mates, drugs and alcohol, but fight with your brain to say no. You’ll fall into the wrong crowd and begin to involve yourself with life treating substances and dangerous people.Your life will become a party. But your parents once again will pull your head out of your arse and make you change for the best.

Life is going to knock you down  until you don’t want to get up no longer, but you’re always going to receive help from someone supporting you on the way. You’ll have deaths in the family that will erupt you into fits of grief, anger and unhappiness, but you have to go on for them.

Life is cruel Maddi, but you have to promise your future self, you’ll go on. Fight for what you believe is right and continue to be yourself, even if people are mean.

-Maddi xox

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